How are things with you these days as we just moved through the equinox? I got into a little scooter accident yesterday. Nothing serious. However, it did remind me the importance of being present in my body disregarding my circumstances. The moment I fell, I was shocked, but I didn’t feel anger or fear. Instead, the scenario I was perpetuating in my head dissipated.
On that note, I want to share a bit more about myself, which may tell you why it has become so easy for me to appreciate every circumstance and shift my perspective like lightening.
In my 20s, I didn’t care about money or understand money. It was all about passion. I had some savings from working at New York University as an adjunct piano faculty, a part of my graduate school perks. After I finished school, I was struggling emotionally. I didn’t know my next step. At this point, I had already been living in the US for ten years and in NYC for 6. I wanted to stick around in the city because that was where all my connections were, and the art and music scene in New York felt like a no-brainer for a young musician. Opportunities and invitations were flowing. Good options, too! But something didn’t sit right with me.
I am unsure how much you know about Human Design (which I use well in my mentorship program), but I am a 2/4 splenic projector. What does that mean? Of course, the system is way more intricate than just some programmed assumptions like people who are Libras are indecisive, but it generally means I am made to be conditioned by design. I naturally gravitate toward opportunities (the subconscious 4th line) and am here to guide others. To give you more insight, most of the world is conditioned to act like a Manifestor (initiating) and interact like a generator (responding). However, as a projector, my strategy is to wait for the invitation and differentiate whether it’s the correct one for me. I was pretty f*cked as a young adult living in New York – A city that was all about making things happen now and go-get-it.
At that time, I didn’t know about human design. Yet, I was unconscious but aware of myself. I was connected to a well-known teacher in the circle by another sought-after violin pedagogue and was invited to an interview. I was ecstatic not only because of the interview but also because of a spiritual awakening at that time. Then, on the exact day of my interview (which was precisely 11 years ago when we were also going through Gate 46 in Gene Keys like today 😅), I was escorted by ER personnel involuntarily from my last session with my therapist to an observation room at the Beth Israel Hospital in downtown NY.
Two days later, I was in the psych ward for 15 days.
My phone was taken away. The ER wouldn’t tell me how long I would be there. I had to ask to access a computer to email and cancel my interview 😭. I didn’t know what to tell people because I didn’t know what was happening to me either (I felt amazing, like I was in the Siddhi plane unwaverly). A part of me felt like that was precisely the path I was meant to walk, but the other part felt very ashamed because it felt like something was wrong with me, not to mention mental health wasn’t big yet back in my birth country, Taiwan. And I lost that work opportunity forever.
Now, if you’ve been on this mailing list for a while or followed my social media, you may have already heard of my journey in the Ward, so this is not what I want to tell you about myself today, but how that event changed my life FOREVER.
Having ZERO access to the internet and the external world gave me much time to meditate. It offered me 100% of what I needed then: to return to my design and stop acting unconsciously through societal and cultural conditionings. It allowed me to observe the people deemed unfit to function appropriately in society by textbook definition. It gave me essential tools to facilitate people going through spiritual awakening without the semi-traumatizing experience. I was able to help a client integrate earlier this year, protect and nurture the whole process through a strict protocol that is also gentle.
So what happened after I got out of the Ward? Though my felt-sense was numbed due to the unnecessary medication that took me a while to recover, I decided to leave NYC altogether because I realized nothing is more important than how I live my daily life.
I wasn’t interested in becoming the next Yo-Yo Ma (that was far-fetched anyway 😂) or a powerful name in the circle. I wanted to travel and travel, and I wasn’t willing to sit in what foreign students called “the immigration jail” for US citizenship. I felt like there was so much more to life than “working hard” to pay my rent and bills to prove that “I’ve made it.” I rejected every invitation that would compromise my newfound awareness and only kept the ones that would work with my desired lifestyle. I was fortunate to have somewhat supportive parents, but of course, my Asian parents wouldn’t stop asking when I’d settle down and start saving money. 😂
I chose to follow my body and give passages to life to yield to me. I stopped trying to control or make things happen. I tune into my moment-to-moment (splenic authority). It doesn’t mean that I don’t have a goal. I am just much more relaxed and graceful with my desire. I began a whole new curriculum with the Universe to learn about the laws of the Universe.
So, how is my past relevant to you, Love? The pandemic to most people is similar to my experience in the Ward, which was an unexpected year-long house arrest. Perhaps you still have the internet and Netflix and could still talk to your friends instead of being locked up with many strangers – peculiar strangers 24/7.
However, on a grander scheme of things, it’s been over a year since the world is back to normal, and I believe that none of us are the same as pre-covid anymore. Therefore, my question for myself and you, my love, is, how aware are we of the changes? How aware are we of what we’ve become post-drama?
I was struggling with my finances pre-pandemic. Today, I still feel pretty indifferent to money, but I’ve created a much better relationship with money, so it can aid my pleasure and the lifestyle I enjoy that I no longer need to compromise for lack. I worked deep within and changed my perspective; I tuned into an investor mindset rather than a spender or hoarder.
My connection with my work has also changed. While passion and intention are still vital aspects of what I wish to contribute to the world, it has become more than something I do or a skill I teach but the value I bring to other people’s lives. I’ve acquired more tools and insights to help people. I can see the line between compassion and gently holding my opinions without being stubborn.
After going through a few roller coaster rides in my life, I believe every drastic event is here to teach or open up new windows to other realities, and the change always begins with ourselves.
How do we navigate and perceive our present circumstances?
How can we let go of the temporary fact without bypassing our body but allowing new clarity to be revealed?
How do we transcend our feelings towards mind constriction and remember our true nature of limitlessness?
As these are my daily practices, learning with the spirits and self-inquiry, perhaps these will be your new prompts of the week if you feel stuck in life.
With much love and gratitude, thank you for being here. Until the next time. ❤️